一辈子的黄城人
i forced myself not to blog but i still couldnt resist the temptation. and it felt like i havent done something before i start mugging. hmms. so, yeah.
you know i hate writing in chinese. i only speak mandrin often but not write. however, it feels weird if i'm writing this in english. but here it goes
终于结束了。真的结束了。那句: "i'm still in denial" 是多余的。船到桥头自然直。我们做到了，真的。不管最后好不好看，成不成功，我们熬过了，一起熬过了。是轮到我们看着这多年来的传奇延续下去的时候。
我最讨厌别人骂粗话，而我却在这四天里，因为四个人而吐出几次的"F"。虽然是没有真正的骂出来，但是从来没有这么骂过。（叹气）也是因为这样我才终于明白为什么妈妈在骂我和弟弟时是选择自虐，而不是一直骂下去。因为那才是打从心里的心痛和伤心。是好是坏，我自己不太清楚。但我很明白自己很庆幸能感受到这种感觉，也有机会思考这一些。
这两个星期哭的真的很多，很惨。也不能完全说是黄城所造成的。可是，这四天的眼泪的确是黄城所带来的。眼睛都哭到痛了，累了。谢谢新毓在厕所(LOL)里的安慰。谢谢家荣的："sylvia不要哭！"谢谢闻恩的鼓励和不断的肯定我做的，感觉的不是错的。谢谢佩珊的问候。
一切都结束了。不会再有机会和二十多的人挤在一间酒店房。不会再是音长。不会再和这么熟悉的人做剧场。不会再站在台上唱一首华初的歌。不会再有机会感受到那份感动。
但是，我们对剧场的热诚才刚起步。我们之间的友情才刚开始。我们对黄城的永远才刚出世。
一次的黄城人，一辈子的黄城人。
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TAGS:
1.
Neo/edmund: hey thanks dude. thanks for coming too! (: lucks for blocs!
2.
s0ng/songhua: yoooooo! haha dont lag ok? haha ms yew's future pres scholar, harvard student. lol xP jk must jiayou! rv de, must zheng qi ok! (:
3.
kaili: yes, that's the rvco room. check out my flickr album. just click on the animation, then you will reach my album (:
4.
Osala/yunzhou: 谢谢!你也辛苦了! (:
5.
gaia: thanks! yea, we must all zi high tgt! (: you take care and hope to see you soon ya? jiayou!! (:
6.
kiamian: haha WAIT! yinxiang zuzhangs demand rest! lol wait for blocs to be over la. then we compile the three jus and siyis ok? those who want look for us loh. (: well done to you too! <33 huangcheng
be my summer
sylvia
14:30:32 Tuesday, March 13, 2007
crying
i was crying for quite long during CT session today. my eyes simply became wet. just couldnt control myself then. hmms, maybe cos the beneficiaries were performing something so incredible. it was my first time witnessing them perform on the drums. i remember that our volunteers took a year to train residents at Bishan Home captain's ball. it's super draining to do such trainings. i suppose their performance simply touched me alot. then all the thoughts about life and volunteering were stirred up. oh wellll, i tried to stop the tears but they just kept flowing. so i just dao and kept crying. haha. heard vick in the afternoon. (: it has been a monh since i last spoke to him. man, i super miss volunteering can. arghs. okay, enough of complains. (: off-
[02 March 2007, Friday]
There has been much slient crying going on these days. urghs, things have been super duper horrible. i seem to be reverting back to the old sylvia: keeping to herself, rejecting any entrance to her heart, feeling down all the time, being unfocused. urghs, after a run, which wasnt mine, during bio tutorial etc etc. )= tired, alonely. urghs.
be my summer
sylvia
16:44:46 Wednesday, February 28, 2007
eleven days
bleah. i suppose many of us are becoming full time huangcheng ren / 黄城人. good or bad, i seriously have no idea. it's abit like how i felt last year - going to school for 黄城 only. last year was worse, as i dao geog cos i wasnt gg to continue geog after JAE. at least i am feeling bad for dao-ing my tutorials this year.
my days start and end with 黄城 cos i do my work past 12 almost everyday. i hate the kind of fatigue i got before CNY. it was super horrible. no matter how much effort i put in to stay attentive during lessons, i fail to retain the information in my brain. my brain switches off automatically when every lesson end. )= oh well- with 8 more schooling days before bump-in into Victorial Theatre (VT), i suppose i need to seriously dao alot of homework and sleep whenever i can to prevent suffering from such nonsense.
RAWRS. i'm super tired over thinking and thinking. i keep thinking for others, understanding others, helping others, i just realised that i havent been helping myself. )= quite nonsense. it was quite scary last night. it felt like the old sylvia - rejecting all my friends, isolating my thoughts from others. and i have been consciously making mistakes. i knew that i was making all the wrong moves, but i just wanted to make the wrong choice then. urghs-
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i felt quite smart on valentine's day. (: cos my gift was just too pro:
it was great to so many of this orange tags on the people at hc and macritche. (x
黄城筹委 scammed
xinyu with a bouquet of roses. quite farniee. haha
received a monkeyy from my mortal, zhuge, and a piggy bank from my angel, malong. lol the piggy bank was a seriously a soft toy pig. haha
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visted
rvco on the day before CNY celebrations. was supposed to be selling
黄城 tics but didnt because of eye pain. ok, long story.
miss rvco alot alot alot. miss teaching juniors, talking to juniors. miss erhu alot alot alot. miss that feeling. <3 rvco must jiayou k? waiting for your best on stage, once again (:
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CNY was quite slack. i nua-ed at home for the three days. (: was to lazy to blog about it. oh well. one less person. -shrugs- still learning how to take care of the younger ones. there's much more to go man.
blah blah blah.
三个月的努力，就在三场两个小时的演出里呈现给观众。黄城的旅程就期待在最后一晚的谢幕画上完美的句号。你累了，我累了，大家都累了。看是时候打起精神，冲完最后的十天，再一次在维多利亚剧院绽放黄城的光芒。加油吧，黄城人！
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TAGS:
1.
yunzhou: oh man, i think everyone is too tired to have crazy things happening to them le. haha jiayou apm!
2.
sean: hi sean! informed gary. but will still encourage you to go for the training. it is never wrong to join our programmes and learn from them (:
3.
brother/lionel: yey. haha (: no need to thankk. you simply just owe me one vday present. lol jk.
4.
kaili: SORRY! )= hais. i also feel v bad missing all the outings. urghs but really last mins cancellation. sorry!
5.
sieyen: -___- waves back?! jiayou with heii! (:
6.
karweng: -____- woah piang, v fun meh? haha. ok then you can tag often for your name to appear on my blog. lol. jiayou with dengg! (:
7.
-: ?! sorry but you are?
8.
xiaofan: HI DEAR! (: long time no talkkkkkkk! haha how have you been? my cousin is at canada too! haha (: happy cny to youu! (: btw, that handwriting isnt mine. it;s mingmings. haha
9.
swizz/meldric: lazy to type. haha was nua-ing at home. actually wanted to update on cny de. haha oops X=
10.
jessica: hi jessica! haha. still have like half a year more to A lvls laaa. haha are you coping well with your studies? you jiayou too ok? i think i can go for team building. haha hope to see you there! (:
11.
sy: ?! erps. is this sieyen? or siow yun? or someone impersonate me?
be my summer
sylvia
07:22:48 Sunday, February 25, 2007
tired!
rawrs. the last week has been super tiring. i slept for twelve hours last night. haha. cos huangcheng is getting busier and busier. there are increasingly more things to be done as the days go by. haha interesting. i was practically dead the on thursday and friday, sleeping between lessons and forgetting whatever the previous teacher said when i wake up. i hope this weekend is sufficient for me to recharge myself. 27 days to 公演, chao exciting. haha
连排 was ok la. considering that so many changes were made, it wasnt really bad. i have been feeling quite down cos my fellow 筹委s have been either facing alot of problems and i dont know how to help them or just generally having low morale. i have been dying out of energy to cheer others up. )= i have been looking for someone to do crazy things to cheer others up, in no avail. i dont know abt them, but i was feeling alot throughout the 连排. i see the future. as in the effect of passing on. i know that there are people learning what i have learnt through huangcheng/theatre. it's really fun to stand outside and watch.
mingming was playing with my phone at jiantao last week. haha. we took pics of
xinyu la, but i dont have them in my phone. sad
lil advert:
黄城夜韵
华初中文学会戏剧表演
3月10日 （星期六） 7.30pm
3月11日 （星期天） 2.30pm, 7.30pm
维多利亚剧院 (Victorial Theatre)
票价: $12, $14, $16
订票热线: 82327286
that's my cca drama production. super nicee. (: i'm doing sounds again. haha contact/tag me to buy tics!
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i've found entertainment for myself during lessons and huangcheng. this:
a lil pooh bear from
gavin for bday last year. i have this 想家 feeling, somehow. and the desire for personal breathing space. have too much secrets with pooh bears. suppose it will be a great substitute of those at home during this period, which i only go home to sleep.
this lil bear is so ke ai, even cutise
jiajun cannot resist it.
anw,
anna looks like that bear! haha. (: my juniors are so ke aii. haha xD
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i was v excited on sat cos i was expecting to see many volunteers. sad, i didnt. i have been feeling so demoralised recently that i miss the happy days with my volunteers. thought that meeting them and laughing my head off would be great. but sad, nvm it's ok. i'm sure they are all doing well. (:
something that i made myself at the start of the year. i made something similar to make myself study for Os two years back. i hope this works better cos i didnt study for Os that time. hahas
i need the all the love from
mayday once again. havent been listening to them for quite some timee. sad. song like 人生海海 never fails to cheer me upp. oh man. i miss music (x i miss my qin. alot.
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TAGS:
1.
songg! (: yeaa. its getting tough, but i'm sure we can make it yeaa? let's jiayouu tgt! (:
2.
osala/yunzhou: now we know (:
3.
liwei: erps. i shall just type hi at your tag the next time. hahaa jk
4.
neo/edmund: i just did! (:
5.
leeheng: YES! my template is super chio. haha rocks laaa. haha (x cyaa tmrr.
6.
gaia: yeys (: volunteering rocks our lives. meanwhile, we should go study. our bcme is super disgusting. then we vol non stop again ok? (: jiayou jiayou! take care and hope to see youu! (x
be my summer
sylvia
08:59:32 Sunday, February 11, 2007
i m__s volunteering!
lala! school is getting more hiongg. with huang cheng and more stuff to studyy. i started off being more muggish. then i lagged after a week. )= will start pushing myself again!
i start to show signs of tiredness which is bad. huangcheng is like draining my remaining energy everyday. trying v hard to learn to be as energeric all the times. it's really something impt and usefull esp when i'm doing work. i hate it when stupid mood swings (whether mine or others) affect the entire progess. so it is good to start from myself. mind over body, body over heart. (:
i so miss voluneering. <33 after being with svc for three conseceutive years, my passion grew gradually. although i was at pit low before, yv06 re-ignited everything and made everything brighter than ever. and after volunteering like non-stop for the last few months, working with super nice and forgiving ppl, i start to see the stark contrast in how volunteers and non-volunteers work. they are less willing to learn, change themselves and listen to others. sometimes i feel like not putting any effort in trying to share with them cos it seems like it will be a futile attempt. but then, it will be v selfish of me to be unwilling to share as well.. oh well, should take a positive perspective and to try my best in sharing with them and learning from them (:
other thing learned (:
focus. actually, it is kinda a reminder. i knew that i need to learn to be focused since i'm doing like 23234918304486720 things these days, helping others do things also. it is v impt to keep focused so that i can get the best out of everything. so i havent got the hang of it. training myself to do so (: i think it is like how
xuepeng thinks. she always looks super focused when she thinks.
ms lim ah is quite a good reminder-er. haha as in she has been making me think through quite some lot of issues.
next, "do what is impt and not what is urgent". cool siaa. haha from
xuepeng. those will be the things that can be under my control.
cannot make it.
jason and
lihhern on the SAME chair throughout maths tutorial. haha
haha,
yinxiang rocks. (: happy to see juniors getting as crazy as we were in the past. happy birthday
jiemin!
TAGS:
1. hi jessica. haha (:
2. be-ing! (x white file is like CHAO CHIOO. haha kaili has that poster too. yeaa, you take care also okkk? xDD
HAPPY BIRTHDAY IVAN/TERRY GEGE! (; hahah, touched? lol EIGHTEEN ALREADYY. must be less childish. haha and dont sleep so late (: happy ebullient eightneen!
be my summer
sylvia
02:35:04 Saturday, January 27, 2007
06S71/07S71!
yey! (: 71 rocks! haha friday was J1 orientation campfire! it was such a fun dayy! after lessons ended, i changed into my rv uniform! haha so coool! i dont have the pic with mee. hahaa it feels so sooo shuang to wear my rv pinafore again. it is more comfortable and more familiar. there's also more cloth around my knees. lol. everlyn and xinyi also changed into other sec sch uniform. haha we all look so youngg! some how that brown coloured uni makes us look older. hahas (:
i went for huangcheng meeting after that and i was the only one in sec sch uniform! haha so farniee laaa! the only white soul in midst of the brown. i seemed like some J1 going to join huangcheng.
then 71 went off to buy watermelon and have dinner at mad jack. omg, look at where we dined! machiam playroom!
campfire was sooo fun! haha tho it was at the hall. it was really enjoyable. it is the v rare chances that i can get really high. sing and dance like nobody's business. it was superr emo when we sang some of the songs. cos i recalled how much
i loved hwachong before coming in here. the driving force for me to study for my Os. the only happiness i held on to during the study period in 05. the lyrics also reminded me how much
i grew up. tho it was under yv that i grew so much, but it was the time i was facing the challenges with hwachong also. the heavy workload, the hectic schedules. twice, i teared. unbelievable ehh, haha. really b een through alot in 06. and changed me alot. over the last week, i reflected and thought over how handle situations. really v different from the sylvia in the past. seem to make less mistakes. see to be calmer. seem to have a better perpective. (: really happy with myself.
after that was 71 watermelon tradition! haha. so cool la. the entire junior class had to stand on the canteen table and do a cheer. then they had to open a watermelon with a
legendary spoon and finish the entire watermelon. haha. super farniee la. it is quite interesting to witness it. i didnt do it last year cos i wasnt in 71 yet. i think it was really kindaa fun. did make the juniors more enthu. lol
after that was magic! haha damn coool!
then lagging at KAP. it was such a funn dayy haha. (: there seemed to be NO 154. omgg. waited for so long and took a cab back home in the end.
our angel mortal board is chaoo pretty. haha (x super AA.
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it was boccia at JJC the next day! (: great to see my volunteers again. i was touched once again upon seeing volunteers putting effort to make svc grow. really. although we are facing difficulties now, i'm sure with a few more years, we are able to grow big. really.
i was kinda sparked by ms lim ah that day. started to consider studying overseas. it might be wiser to choose something that i would never thought i would do at this point of time. then i will force myself to experience more and learn more. however, svc is pulling me back. the thought of leaving the country for four years, not being able to really help svc grow in the next four years is turning me off. hmmm. shall give it a lil thought over these few weeks.
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ahhh, i'm kinda losing abit of touch on that happiness. must get it bacck. (: i promisee to smilee alot moreee! (: must be super energetic at all times! but i'm really glad with myself thinking through alot of things, and having a v different kind of perspective, knowing what i lack to move up that ladder now. lala,
go sylvia! (:
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YES!
mayday's poster!
white filee! (x
be my summer
sylvia
02:33:10 Sunday, January 14, 2007
happy 2007!
alala. it's actually 020107. haha. this entry is late! (; oh well. supposed to be doing gp now. i'm proud to say that i didnt waste my hols away tho i didnt do my homework. (; cos of yv, my life is never meaningless.
YES! i've walked out. this is the shortest time i have taken to recover from a breakdown. yay. (: it used to take 1-2 months. thankew vick! you helped me see the final light. changru, gary and wanleng too. tho i didnt say much but thanks for helping. like what vick said, at least i took half a step. the old sylvia wont have dared to take even that half a step.
so, i've decided to open up. myself, who has been locked up for the past thirteen years. i will share share share, until i die. (: yey. number one on my resolution list!
YES! YV'06 is oveeeer! we shall wait for another two weeks before the comm officially disband. thanks peopleeeee. truly touched by your passion. i promise to leeearn and never give up. sorry for the poor handling of stuff these few days. quite pissed with myself over it also. i loveeee you guyss!
YES! i bought 五月天's "为爱而生"! i sooo love them! ((x " 米老鼠" was so meee! haha but i dont want that to be me now! i wanna "为爱而生"! hahas.
thanks 2006, i've learned alot this year, grown alot this year. had alot of self-realisation. esp on life, death and family. it was good that i realised them at this age and not later but bad that i had to realise it )= oh weeell. i've gained alot. not for nothing, at the expense of my studies. haha, good or bad, i really can't tell.
2007, here i come! (;
the more lively,
the more smileeeey,
the more focused,
the more matured,
the more open,
the more passionate,
the more responsible,
the more honest,
the more composed,
the more loving,
the more outgoing,
the more multi-perspective,
the more happy
sylviaaa! (;
be my summer
sylvia
17:02:59 Monday, January 01, 2007
)=
)=____________
米老鼠
词:阿信 曲:怪兽
一身黑皮肤 白手套红短裤
一双大大耳朵 随时在 向人打招呼
他是我朋友 陪我笑 陪我哭
尤其是当我 当我最无助 有他 听著我倾诉
梦中 城堡里面跳舞
醒了 世界依然残酷
以为我爱著孤独 以为自己不会迷路
以为自己跟自己 再不用谁照顾
以为我爱著孤独 却又 崩溃的无助
谁能让我拥抱著 尽情的哭
让我唯一的朋友 不是老鼠
谁是草莓族 你才是榴连族
一身伤人顽固 伤害我 还要我不哭
摩天轮停住 咖啡杯不跳舞
孩子练习著 让悲伤麻木 快乐 也开始麻木
be my summer
sylvia
07:14:15 Sunday, December 31, 2006
christmas 2006
it is the first time i am blogging about christmas. never wrote even a diary entry on it. it is my first time appreciating Lim's christmas party decided to blog after reading mindy jiejie's entry.
in the past, it was just some useless gathering to me. honestly. i felt that having an extended family is so fei. to me, it served no purpose at all. i was young, childish, arrogant.
after shanshan came for a visit, it changed my perspective of family. yeye's departure gave me deep insights into the word "family".
i started to reflect back over what i learned from his death when suey szesze came to my place to pay his repects. his reason for visit was seriously interesting. he was saying that he was about to call yeye up to inform him that he is driving him down to si szesze's place. then he realised that yeye is gone. it's just being to used to the fact the his father is still around. i cant help with that incredulous look.
heard from mami that papa was asking who will be driving yeye down to the party.
i laugh over this, but feel gulity on the other hand. just like how i felt when he left. but it is too late to say sorry and do things to correct that mistake. i can only do what i can for my juniors and the elders who are around now.
no need to brood over things. i daresay i treat the family much more than before. i apreciate the party, i enjoyed the night, i treasured the presence of everyone there. i see their faces, know that they are doing well and i'm glad. i'm glad to be still alive, healthy, able to see them. that's life man.
i dont know what is happening next year man. i only know that i seriously need to mug or i will really die. i'm cutting myself off volunteering in the mean time. (i'm a bad example, please don't follow X=) not just volunteering la. everything. i really havent been focusing no matter how much i reminded myself to focus. )= so my plan is to do self isolation, just like US. then upgrade all my brain cells before i fight the next battle with UCLES. haha. oh well, all i need is some concentration. it really isnt that toughh.__________________________
oh yes! imf's over! (; it feels weird when production ends la. tho there are many things that i totally dislike about how they do things, really enjoy doing theatre with those huangcheng ppl. cant wait for huangcheng man! (;
btw, yes i'm still sad over not taking pic with jeff )= i hopeee he goes for qinggongyan. and i can go too. X=___________________________
sorry man. immersed myself in cca in imf stuff right after yv camp. didnt switch my brain mode that day. so i was feeling super off. sorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry. )= i didnt get my purpose of visit right. so i kinda wasted my trip, wasted your time.. honestly, i'm really apprehensive when i talk to you guys now. afraid of this and that. so, sometimes would rather give you guys that "i dont care about anyting" look. which you guys might already thing i wear it all times. whatever- this is so tiring.
be my summer
sylvia
17:49:09 Monday, December 25, 2006
OMG WHY! )=
OMG!
i cant believe it! I DIDNT TAKE PIC WITH JEFF! ))))= WHY!?!
be my summer
sylvia
16:25:25 Wednesday, December 20, 2006
